You WILL fellowship!

I am standing in church, worshiping God. The music is beautiful, and I’m really excited to see the people around me sharing such a personal experience with our Father. My wife, on one side, is clapping her hands softly to the beat of the song. On the other side of me is an impressive woman in a suit with her hands raised and her eyes closed as she feels her way through the song.

I am standing in church, worshiping God. The music is beautiful, and I’m really excited to see the people around me sharing such a personal experience with our Father. My wife, on one side, is clapping her hands softly to the beat of the song. On the other side of me is an impressive woman in a suit with her hands raised and her eyes closed as she feels her way through the song.

The woman looks to be in her mid-to-late fifties. She is impeccably coiffed with fashionable hair, pressed clothes, manicured nails and striking but appropriate jewelry.

Suddenly I am regretting the decision to wear jeans and a t-shirt so that I could easily transition into the backyard projects I have planned for the afternoon. I look down, and discover a hole in my shirt. Now the specks of paint on my pants that I told my wife nobody would notice seem to be getting larger and larger.

As the song comes to an end I look toward my smiling wife to avoid the inevitable eye contact with the woman. That’s when I realize that the pastor is explaining the value of fellowship and community. He explains the term koinanea and the importance of supporting one another in our faith.

At this point I know what is coming next and my palms begin to sweat profusely. I put my hands into my pockets as a way to camouflage my attempt at wiping off the sweat. Now we’re all given the direction I had been expecting: Turn to a neighbor and welcome them with a blessing like, You are on God’s heart or God bless you.

Knowing that it would be a cop-out to welcome my wife, I slowly turn to the lady next to me. She is smiling broadly and she reaches out her hand to me as she says, “Hi, my name is Faith.” I take her hand saying, “I’m Ward, nice to meet you Faith.” All the time I am wondering if my clammy hand grosses her out.

We exchange a faithful blessing and turn away from one another. As I sit down I find myself repeating, “Faith, Faith, Faith” over and over in my head. This is the tool I use to avoid awkward situations with people that I meet because through some amazing skill they remember my name while I am too dense to extend the same courtesy.

This is an experience that I have had many times, and from the discussions that I have had with friends I understand that my church is not alone in this practice of pre-arranged greetings. I am bringing this to light because I am a fairly outgoing and extraverted person yet I am uncomfortable in this situation. If I’m affected in this way I can’t imagine the impact this type of experience has for some of the introverted individuals who I know.

It is important that we recognize the need for diversity in the church, and make room for the different types of people that round out the skills and abilities of the Body of Christ. I am personally empathetic to introverted individuals because I work in an industry that is filled with people of that nature, and I am often a provoking and annoying influence in their life. I also have the ability to see some of the skills that these quiet and noble creatures bring with them, often including a self-discipline and grasp of certain complex subjects that I will never achieve.

My concern is that churches that use some form of forced fellowship such as the simple and unimposing one that I described above might be creating an environment that drives away less social individuals who might be curious but not yet saved.

I do have to point out that many churches are looking for more effective ways of encouraging koinanea by creating large areas outside their sanctuaries where people can comfortably mingle (often even providing coffee drinks or other convenience items). My own church is moving in this direction. The main thing is that I believe this is a topic worthy of recognition, and I would love to spark discussion about how a church can encourage fellowship without unwittingly making the congregation uncomfortable.

Perhaps we can find a way for me to avoid having to walk out evading eye contact with the lady that I met just after worship this morning. What was her name, Grace?